I Hate Everybody

  By Dr. Biegel


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(Look below lyrics for discussion of "Hate")

I hate Moslems, who force the word,
I hate Commies, they eat the bird,
I hate capitalists, who support dictatorships,
And thatís damned-near everybody!

I hate Israelis who donít understand,
That only Torah can be law in the Holy Land,
So maybe now youíre starting to understand,
Why I hate everybody.

When I was a kid I liked the Brooklyn Dodgers,
But whenever I went to the movies they had this weird guy, Will Rogers,
He said he never met a man who he didnít like,
He and I must have been traveling down a different turnpike,
ĎCause I hate everybody.

I hate 3rd world men who breed like studs,
Even though their children lay starving in the mud,
But I also hate corporations whose means of birth control,
Is industrial accidents with a high death toll,
And thatís everybody!

When I was a kid I liked the Brooklyn Dodgers,
But whenever I went to the movies they had this weird-o, Will Rogers,
He said he never met a man who he didnít like, ha!
He and I were traveling down a different turnpike
ĎCause I hate everybody.

I hate the Poles, the French, the Croatians,
And all the other fools at the United Nations,
You probably wonít believe this, but what Iím telling you is a pearl,
Each one of these fools thinks heís gonna rule the world,
Thatís why...I hate everybody.

Iíve been around and up and down and after what Iíve seen,
Iím kind of ashamed to be called a human being,
Everywhere I go nothing but pimps and whores, who knows,
Maybe Iíll like the survivors of the next nuclear war,
Right now, I hate everybody.

OUTRO (spoken):

Judges who can be bribed or intimidated -- which is to say -- I HATE JUDGES!
Lying politicians -- which is to say -- I HATE ALL POLITICIANS!

I hate Priests, Rabbis and Imams whose god is Karl Marx!
Thatís a good way to stay in the dark!
And wimpering news anchors with pink ties, who say what theyíre told to say!
Wonít somebody please, make them all go away?!

I hate thieving bankers, teachers who donít know anything,
Phony black leaders who really serve white masters,
And Hispanics who really believe that the Aztecs are coming back...
NOT ANYTIME SOON, BUDDY!  Letís have no more of your flack!

Owwwww, EVERYBODY!!!! Owwwwww, EVERYBODY!!!!
Communists, fascists, rapists, bimbos Ö
Sometimes I even hate myself.



"Hate" vs. "discrimination"

I have no doubt that many people will be violently offended by this song. That's OK - maybe some of them will wake up to the harsh realities of our existence in this world, especially with respect to our own responsibilities for the problems we face.

In any event, the song certainly won't make things any worse -- short of a full-blown nuclear war, things really can't get too much worse than they already are.

As I said out the outset, I don't really "hate" anyone, but I sure as hell hate the things some people do. Everyone is hateful at some time, and when we violate our own self-appointed standards, we even hate ourselves (as, for example, if we're on a diet to lose weight, and find ourselves unable to control our appetites).

As to the conventional form of culturally-instilled hatred of all who are "different" from us, I have dealt with that by endeavoring to portray my own "hatred" as being universal, even extending it to myself (without providing any personal or incriminating details, of course).

No one can persuasively argue that "universal hate" is anything like "universal love", although from some points of view, the chastisement of our peace is not so much the result of an imbalance of the cosmic "yin-yang" of love and hate, but rather it is the result of the nearly-universal practice of discrimination. Consider, for example, the following teaching of Buddha about the "Four Unlimited States of Mind", paying attention particularly to the fourth:


There are Four Unlimited States of Mind that the seeker of Enlightenment should cherish: compassion, tenderness, gladness and equanimity.

  • One can remove greed by cherishing compassion.
  • One can remove anger by tenderness.
  • One can remove suffering by gladness.
  • One can remove the habit of discrimination of enemies and friends by cherishing an equitable mind.

Source: Mahaparinirvana-sutra, quoted in Teaching of Buddha, published by Bukkyo Dendo Kyokai (Society for the Promotion of Buddhism), p. 338.


Consider the last "Unlimited State", removing the habit of discrimination of enemies and friends. This establishes that in the Buddhist tradition, all are friends. This is not really so far from Jesus' admonition to "love your enemy".

From all this we learn that, with respect to the often-terrible problems we have in our relationships with other people, the source of our trouble is not so much to be found in the relative amounts of "love" and "hate" we feel for others, but rather in our willingness to discriminate against some of them.

This means that we imagine in our minds, then go on to create an artificial distinction between at least two broad groups of people: (1) a "preferred group" which, for some unfathomable reason, is entitled to all the good things in life, and (2) a despised group which is worthy of only suffering and death. Needless to say, we each place ourselves in group (1).

I say that our minds create "at least" two different groups, because in practice each group will invariably be sub-divided into many, many smaller sub-groups of either privilege or condemnation. Except, however, for the Buddha himself, and perhaps for a precious few others, everyone else has at least two groups of discrimination.

All of which is a long, drawn-out way of saying that Universal Love is the best, although hard to attain to. Amongst what remains in its absence, surely "Universal Hate", which is something of a joke to even discuss, nevertheless surely beats the hell out of "Discrimination". If you hate everyone equally, you'll either plunder, rob and kill all of them, or you'll plunder, rob and kill none of them. For most people, it will be the latter -- you'll harm none.

Therefore, strange though it may seem, "Universal Hate" could conceivably bring about an uneasy sort of world peace.

As for the present song, "I Hate Everybody", it is -- in case you haven't already figured it out -- a spoof; an "Equal Opportunity Hate Song", as it were.

Your move.